Friday, November 16, 2012
I believe that sometimes I get so wrapped up in thinking about what it is that God wants me to be doing with my life that I forget about what it is that I am already doing. I get caught up thinking about grand and glorious plans and ways of making big and amazing differences on a global scale that I don't see what is right in front of me. I have been charged with the honor of raising 4 daughters. I have made a vow to love a man. God gave me these gifts. He brought people into my life and sometimes (oftentimes) I get so caught up in serving others (in the name of serving my family) that I ignore the very people that God gave to me to love first and foremost directly after Him. I am out to change the world and I neglect the people I have been asked by God Himself to raise as His disciples. Don't get me wrong- my children are by no means neglected- I am with them day in and day out and I cook and clean and am at their every event. However, am I doing the most amount of good I can for them? Am I being the best example I can? Am I showing them that being their mom is truly a gift? I want them to know that if all I did in life was to raise them to be godly women then it would be more than enough. I would have made all the difference I need in the world. God would have worked through me to do more than I could have ever imagined. I want my everyday to be enough of a miracle that I count it as amazing. My prayer is that I allow God to guide my steps and move from knowing that His will be done to living His will. That is when my ordinary life will become an extraordinary gift.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
I don't know what life God has intended for me, but I am quite sure that the one I am living isn't it. The treadmill rat race of never ending craziness certainly cannot be the plan for me- or anyone. There are moments of brilliance, and joy and love and even contentment, but overall, the restlessness pervades my soul and tells me He has more for me than this. On my good days, I ask Him to show me what it is that I need to do to follow His will and get my act together to do what He has planned for me. On my not so good days I get angry or sad or even a little depressed and wonder why I have wasted so many years trying to do His will only to have failed so miserably. I then pray and look to Scripture and think maybe this or that is my cross to bear and what is in it for me to learn, how can I be a better person from this, what can I take from it, how is God speaking to me, and I contemplate my life and all the good that is in it and all the blessings I have on a daily basis. I cannot complain. I have been blessed and blessed abundantly. I am surrounded with people who love me and comforts that the majority of the people in the world can only dream about. Yet, I still feel like I still have not found my true calling. I know what I love to do and where I find small moments of peace, and yet do not know how to do that on a daily basis and make life work. My soul aches for the feeling of belonging. Perhaps I have finally come to the point where I realize that I am not home, and I will not lose that restlessness until I sit at the feet of Jesus. Maybe I need to shift my focus and remember that my life here is only to prepare me for eternity with Jesus. I am not supposed to feel like this is all there is because there is so much more waiting for me. Instead of waiting for more than earth can give, I can just find the joy that is here and be content with all that it does offer and remember what is to come. That could be a game changer. Instead of asking the question "Is this all there is?" It turns into a statement- "This is all I need, because I have so much more waiting for me!"